Leave my stuff alone and stay out of my room!

It is normal for teens not to share too much information with their parents. Some parents find it difficult to find a balance between trust and truth. At times, parents want to stay connected with their teens, but they end up invading their teens’ privacy. More often, parents find themselves desperate to know everything about their teenagers. When teens give their parents the silent treatment and cold shoulder, parents may believe that they should go through their teens’ backpacks, drawers, listen to their phone conversations, and read their dairies.

Respect and trust are the most essential ingredients to develop and sustain healthy relationships between parents and their teens. According to one study, eighty percent of teens said that it is important to have their parents’ trust, yet only 28 percent are honest and forthcoming when it comes to issues such as drinking and substance use.

Parents tend to feel that building and maintaining trust with their teens means accepting, even nurturing, a degree of independence and privacy. Privacy serves to protect relationships. Studies have shown the best protective action parents can take is to keep the lines of communication open with their teens. Feeling relatively close to your teens will reduce sleepless nights. Teens who are able to confide in their parents are less likely to engage in high-risk behaviors.

April 2005

Suzan Aldimassi, MS., MFT       Suzan@parenting-teenagers.com

949.235.7606